In the past, it was important for me to believe others perceived me as someone who knew where he was going in life. Someone who had a good life, a good career, knew everything to know about the world; someone to envy or at least, have an intellectual conversation with. It was a cover to prevent people from discovering the real me, that I was in the category of “other.” I’ll call that protection fear. In college, I learned that distance can help prevent people from getting to know too much about me and my experience leading into adulthood reinforced that: getting a new job in a new city, forgetting old friends to get new friends, not ever having enough time to call home. Distance and perfection, I carried them like hand guns. I was so used to flaunting them, that they became my hands. Slowly, I learned to let go of distance, but perfection I had to hold on to. Perfection, in its own right, is truth and truth is incontestable, until proven false and nothing is false anymore, only less true. Today, the most important person in my life, just called me shallow. Now I don’t know who to blame: me, him, or the world. The world, as in, the idea of things; how men think, survival; the rules of effective communicate; multi-tasking in a post-digital area; being a good boyfriend. A friend of mine worked at a national forest and had to learn deescalation techniques to take the fire out of heated situations. She would mimic the escalated persons behavior and recognize their feelings. It always worked. Why aren’t their deescalation manuals ready and available at bars? At this moment, looking back, I never knew where I was going.
Tag Archives: it gets better
Over at Edge On The Net, I wrote an update on #sb1172 or the gay cure ban, sponsored by Senator Ted Lieu, which prevents mental health professionals (ex-gay counselors) from attempting to change the sexual orientation, gender expression, or gender identity of minors. An excerpt from the article is below:
Marea Murray, a social worker in San Francisco, sobbed uncontrollably when she learned that the governor of California had signed SB 1172 into law. Murray counsels clients of all genders and orientations on sexuality concerns and like a number of other mental health professionals, she has come to know people psychologically abused having undergone treatments thought to cure homosexuality. That is one of the many reasons why she worked through Gaylesta, a LGBT Psychotherapy Association, to mobilize supporters for the bill.
The bill specifically sought to prohibit professionals from using techniques to change gender expressions, gender identities, and/or sexual orientation for patients under eighteen.
After SB 1172 was approved, two lawsuits were brought against California, one filed by an ex-gay Aaron Bitzer, who is studying to be an ex-gay therapist. The therapist-in-training claimed the ban not only infringed on his rights to freedom of speech and religion, but also the ban prevented him from pursuing his profession. His lawsuit, led by Christian legal group Pacific Justice Institute (PJI), argued that “the law ignores young people who have same-sex attractions as a result of being victims of sexual abuse” and that lack of access to treatment will lead to irreparable harm.
Read more at: http://www.edgelosangeles.com/news/local/features//140531/implementation_of_california’s_gay_cure_ban_delayed_until_hearing
How thrift stores help the community
Thrift stores to Los Angeles are like Reality Stars to Hollywood, they pop up announced and are always in line for a comeback. Public reception of resale stores has drastically changed during recently. Even more so when the recession hit in 2007.
According to America’s Research Group, a research firm, about 18% of customers will shop at a thrift store during a given year. While 21% will shop at major department stores. In the country there are more than 30,000 thrift stores, with the majority being in California, Texas, and Florida.
Kisha Roby, an Accessory Designer, from Miami said, “I started shopping at thrift stores eight years ago.”
Kisha went on to say, “I like finding one of a kind vintage items.”
“Thrifting” is a multi-billion a year industry. The largest vintage store, Goodwill, operates over 2,650 stores and has an online auction site, like Ebay, where stores, not individual sellers, post items to bid on like Chanel clutches and scrimshaw hunting knives. In Southern California there are seventy-one independent stores.
For my Diary of a Natural Gal Style Files interview, I worked with an amazing crew to shoot the pictures. The photographer was Garen Hagobian and the stylist was Rico Cherry. I can’t wait to post the full interview here. Here is an excerpt:
Kisha Roby: I would describe your style as sultry school boy, where do you draw inspiration?
Victor Yates: Is that a good thing (laughs)? I use to only wear black and gray. That’s it. Then my best friend started picking out clothes for me that I wouldn’t normally wear. I went from school boy realness to wearing cowboy boots, with khaki linen cut off shorts, and shirts and sweaters from the 80’s. I love 80’s Adidas shorts, vintage designer clothes, and conversation pieces. Today so many things inspire me. I like patterns, textures, and bold colors and mixing things together that the average person might think is strange. Since moving to Los Angeles my thrift store obsession has grown. Buffalo Exchange and Wasteland are my top thrift stores in L.A. But out here thrift stores are like coffee shops.
Kisha Roby: When did your passion for writing begin? What is your ultimate dream for your writing career?
Victor Yates: I started writing poetry at 14, after reading Maya Angelou’s work. I loved libraries and would read a lot. Also, my mother loved books and she would buy books for me as well. I remember trying to read The Firm, by John Grisham, and not being able to understand it. I hope to write quality fiction books and venture into short stories and writing plays.
Photographer: Garen Hagobian
Stylist: Rico Cherry
Email: rico243@yahoo dot com
Interviewer: Kisha Roby for Diary of a Natural Gal
Check out the teaser video to my interview with Frenchie Davis for GBM News. She talks about everything from her new single and the video for, Love’s Got A Hold On Me, to the Voice vs. American Idol, to questions about sexuality. Stay tuned for the interview.
Remember the name janet mock. she’s about to the next literary giant.
A friend told me to go to her blog, Musings On Love, and read the first entry. It reads … “You have until the age of 28 to decide between his dreams or yours,” a girlfriend of mine warned while having drinks last night. “You’ve got two years … I was having a carefree evening fueled by rounds of alcohol and predominantly light conversation. This girlfriend, who’ll remain anonymous, said based on her experience (tied in with her own regrets as an over-accomplished single woman in her mid-30s) in a nutshell that there’s no such thing as having it all and specifically if I want to be with Aaron, I have to give up my dreams to support his.” The entry is dated Sunday, September 13, 2009 with the tags gender and relationships. Those few sentences were beautiful and made me want to read more. I did and entered Mock’s life. Mock is a writer and editor for People.com, interned at In Style magazine, received an MA in journalism from New York University, and is dating a very handsome man. In all a perfect life, what every woman wants. The death of Tyler Clementi forced her to reevaulate her life and come out per se. Mock was born in the wrong body. Her new memoir, Fish Food: A Memoir, unveils the story of a girl “who sacrifices nearly everything to become the person she knows she’s destined to be.” Mock grew up in Honolulu, Hawaii. She transitioned freshman year of high school with her family’s support. Her book is yet to be released.
Check out her It Gets Better video below:
It Gets Better – Janet Mock Reveals Trans History
dog collars are to control
black, something written on it, in silver
he jumped up
i picked him up
men shouldn’t be so heavy