Since I discovered that I wanted to write professionally, I have sought out countless writing jobs. Thousands actually. I searched through my Gmail to count how many cover letters I have emailed to potential employers. Ninety-nine percent of the cover letters are pure trash. So I decided to share them. People, learn from my mistakes.
Cover to DListed.com
Greetings Michael K,
Amanda Bynes is the only person more qualified than me for this job, but she is preoccupied at the moment standing outside Drake’s hotel room since I forwarded her his exact location.
Imagine if Bieber had the charisma of Mario Lopez, and he was a journalist, that visual summarizes who I am. A focused writer with a magnetic personality who is a pop culture devotee. I can’t leave my house without logging onto Dlisted (or TMZ. Bad habit, I know. Don’t judge me). Some of the names that I have recently interviewed include Icona Pop, Skylar Grey, Ester Dean, and Pedro Almodovar.
I have experience working with tight deadlines from home and the office. Also, I have experience interviewing and reporting on musicians as well as blogging about lifestyle and cultural events like (mentally) anal probing Hot Sluts of the Day. Key skills that I bring to the table include tight editing, quick deadline writing, content generation/pitching, self-discipline, known knowledge of pop culture, an eye for target-audience writing, and most importantly, how to give face.
To see my work, I have attached two interviews and a blog post for you to peruse.
If you need more information, please feel free to email me at email@example.com.
P.S. Since I live in L.A., I die every time I see Angelyne and her pink car (that’s not a vagina euphemism). I cry a little every time I see Bobby Trendy being utterly untrendy. However my life won’t be complete until I see Chicken Cutlets eating at the KFC on Hollywood Blvd.